I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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