we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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