what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
