You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
