:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
