well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
