Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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