I need help removing her.
I faked an abortion last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
