I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
