I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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