new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
