we have pet lesbian snakes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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