Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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