I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
