nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
