My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
