I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
