wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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