I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
