You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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