Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
