I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
