Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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