Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
