yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
