chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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