do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
