i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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