I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
