Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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