shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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