so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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