After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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