she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
