Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
