bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
