You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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