tonight lets celebrate not being married
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
