Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
