Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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