my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
