All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize