Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize