Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
