If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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