eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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