I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
