my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
