i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
