if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
