Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
