Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
