So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
