totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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