please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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