I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
