i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize