Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
