What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Damn victory sex feels great
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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