I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
