i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
