I accidentally burped into my bong.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you made out with another girl for some wings
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
