I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
