I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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