my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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