My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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