I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize