yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The air was thick with penises
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
