i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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