Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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