using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
