He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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