Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
