i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
