I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
