My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
