If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
