I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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